Have you ever felt so thrilled and excited, about going out of the country for the first time?
i know i did :) this is a picture i've captured within the first three hours of me over 50 ft above ground
and i just wanna share the thing that i became so different after that tour, oh! i haven't yet mentioned that
its a flight to singapore :) its an 18th birthday gift from my tita. I know many of you will think that I am
very silly to feel this way, well IT was my FIRST so humor me :)
Its a little bit awkward at first because you know, I'm having fun with another family, well they are my family
but still you'll never feel completely comfortable without your own sisters and such but still
I'm thankful having an 18th year of my life :) and experience much force to my body just to shop and shop till my heart's content, i mean till my wallet's content ^^,
Everybody has a goal, a wish, and a dream but me, believe me, it's not part of me. I've never felt the urge to
get something that will change my life at all, yes, i do finish things, finish everything they expect me to finish, but for me i just do everything they say like study, help others, care, even love them just not to complicate and make the situation uncontrollable later. And maybe that's why they all think I'm a lazy little brat, a rare specie, a heartless and doesn't have the word gratefulness. Well, if you ask me, if I'm having a hard time to take those insults, ask again, because i really don't care at all.
:) having the feeling of "you have it all" made me think this way, however they make it clear to me that
life needs direction, it just gives me the chill clearing that thought and i don't get it at all =,=
because i more feel the term "just go with the flow" for you really can't tell what's behind of a solid object,
but someone told me, that "Yes, you'll never know the plan given to you, until it happened but you clearly
knew what you want, it will lead you there" i debated with her for that i said "but that's the point i don't know what i want!, though i do know what i don't want, i really can't tell what i want" she let out a deep sigh, "how about, trying to know that first, then let's talk again to start finding that path".
grrr! well that's a big help >,< it didn't gave me answer she just gave me more things to think about,
but really, the THOUGHT never left me,
till then..
We left home after lunch for the flight is 4:20pm, i really don't take out my emotions around so easily, so
i always say if they asked me how excited i am, i answers , "I'm great" or I simply smile, but really the
minute i entered the airport knowing that I'm the one who'll enter that plane, my heart pumps uncontrollably
^^, Im doing something new again and that makes me thrilled, 4:20!! we entered the hole haha! i mean the thing that's connected to the door of the plane, like I'm entering a rocket in a science fair exhibit :) . I sat beside my cousin for it is what said on the ticket, then the next thing i knew the plane starts moving, faster and faster as i felt that they really hit the gas then we LIFT OFF ^^,
I actually don't feel bored, i even tried not to blink, It's just so beautiful and see the clouds walking above
the ocean, the sun crawl's down the sky and that's what I call NATURAL BEAUTY, my tita or what you call auntie in english, i heard her saying that how lucky she is to have a perfect family, a stable job and the opportunity to do those kind of trip over and over. I felt a little jealous for seeing her having all she wants, doing things she likely to do, well that trip is her hundredth time for all i know
She gave me a great realization after feeling those feelings, that "having what you want" like my sister mentioned to firstly try to know what i want, then she'll help me find that path, the path that will make
me feel the complete happiness, the feeling of having and living on the things i really want. I always believed
that I already have everything, but when i felt something NEW, i feel that there is still something more, like
what I heard that "A circle don't have endings, it just grows" and now i want to believe that my life
experiences has an eternal circle, that grows forever. Its not crystal clear YET but I feel that i know
what I WANT and I NEED TO DO IT, TO GET WHAT I WANT :) but of course, i don't want to
mislead myself in my own path, so I'll never forget to contact my consulting sister and tell her where to start to get
NEW EXPERIENCES, the mere fact that "changes is permanent" and it never fail to GET SOMETHING
NEW :)
