my First Flight

Have you ever felt so thrilled and excited, about going out of the country for the first time?
i know i did :) this is a picture i've captured within the first three hours of  me over 50 ft above ground
and i just wanna share the thing that i became so different after that tour, oh! i haven't yet mentioned that
its a flight to singapore :) its an 18th birthday gift from my tita. I know many of you will think that I am
very silly to feel this way, well IT was my FIRST so humor me :) 

Its a little bit awkward at first because you know, I'm having fun with another family, well they are my family 
but still you'll never feel completely comfortable without your own sisters and such but still 
I'm thankful having an 18th year of my life :) and experience much force to my body just to shop and shop till my heart's content, i mean till my wallet's content ^^, 

Everybody has a goal, a wish, and a dream but me, believe me, it's not part of me. I've never felt the urge to 
get something that will change my life at all, yes, i do finish things, finish everything they expect me to finish, but for me i just do everything they say like study, help others, care, even love them just not to complicate and make the situation uncontrollable later. And maybe that's why they all think I'm a lazy little brat, a rare specie, a heartless and doesn't have the word gratefulness. Well, if you ask me, if I'm having a hard time to take those insults, ask again, because i really don't care at all.

:) having the feeling of "you have it all" made me think this way, however they make it clear to me that
life needs direction, it just gives me the chill clearing that thought and i don't get it at all =,=
because i more feel the term "just go with the flow" for you really can't tell what's behind of a solid object,
but someone told me, that "Yes, you'll never know the plan given to you, until it happened but you clearly
knew what you want, it will lead you there" i debated with her for that i said "but that's the point i don't know what i want!, though i do know what i don't want, i really can't tell what i want" she let out a deep sigh, "how about, trying to know that first, then let's talk again to start finding that path".
grrr! well that's a big help >,< it didn't gave me answer she just gave me more things to think about,
but really, the THOUGHT never left me,


till then..


We left home after lunch for the flight is 4:20pm, i really don't take out my emotions around so easily, so 
i always say if they asked me how excited i am, i answers , "I'm great" or I simply smile, but really the
minute i entered the airport knowing that I'm the one who'll enter that plane, my heart pumps uncontrollably
^^,  Im doing something new again and that makes me thrilled, 4:20!! we entered the hole haha! i mean the thing that's connected to the door of the plane, like I'm entering a rocket in a science fair exhibit :) . I sat beside my cousin for it is what said on the ticket, then the next thing i knew the plane starts moving, faster and faster as i felt that they really hit the gas then we LIFT OFF ^^, 

I actually don't feel bored, i even tried not to blink, It's just so beautiful and see the clouds walking above
the ocean, the sun crawl's down the sky and that's what I call NATURAL BEAUTY, my tita or what you call auntie in english, i heard her saying that how lucky she is to have a perfect family, a stable job and the opportunity to do those kind of trip over and over. I felt a little jealous for seeing her having all she wants, doing things she likely to do, well that trip is her hundredth time for all i know

She gave me a great realization after feeling those feelings, that "having what you want" like my sister mentioned to firstly try to know what i want, then she'll help me find that path, the path that will make
me feel the complete happiness, the feeling of having and living on the things i really want. I always believed 
that I already have everything, but when i felt something NEW, i feel that there is still something more, like 
what I heard that "A circle don't have endings, it just grows" and now i want to believe that my life
experiences has an eternal circle, that grows forever. Its not crystal clear YET but I feel that i know 
what I WANT and I NEED TO DO IT, TO GET WHAT I WANT :) but of course, i don't want to 
mislead myself in my own path, so I'll never forget to contact my consulting sister and tell her where to start to get 
NEW EXPERIENCES, the mere fact that "changes is permanent" and it never fail to GET SOMETHING
NEW :) 

LOVE IS IT BOON OR BANE?

How can anybody be so happy 
if love is concerned even blindly 
others already think they're silly 
but still they put aside their pity 

holding back their loneliness 
creating tragedy with consciousness 
is it really pointless 
if you loved a man of bitterness 

is it true that love is a boon 
a benefit that can be enjoyed 
something that can be thankful 
a feeling that will never be annoyed 

or love is palpable a bane 
a deadly piece of poison 
a shocking kick of shame 
and something that destroy a name 

how would somebody explain love 
can it be a boon or a bane 
how can anybody know what is love 
if everybody around were not the same

Love at first sight

Love at first sight

Even the angels in heaven are having some fun we met

Even the sun in the sky is smiling when i found you

My hope is in the line

I feel weird like i tasted my first wine

There’s a sparkle around you

A life time of value

Like a glow in the light

And a spark in my first sight

I haven’t felt this before

And i want it over and over

(repeat first stanza)

Your looking down in the road

And my feelings overflowed

Then (i have a cute face but you only saw my untied lace)

Your looking down, down in the road

And yehey you found my toe

(repeat first stanza)

There’s a reason i met you

Like a 911 rescue

It’s the best accident

I’ve got myself into

I haven’t felt this before

And i want you truly forever

how to save the world

how to save the world

simple questions

have deeper reasons

simple answers

maybe your future

and great disasters are due to simple mistakes

how to save the world

Chorus:

Life maybe the reason to believe that your alive

But earth is the best reason for you to continue life

Love among yourselves

May lead to mess and loneliness

But sharing love may treasure friends

Simple works

Has it’s behind history

Simple road

Can be called a territory

And simple you

May create a new baby

How to save the world?

(repeat chorus)

A simple belief may change a life...

"test your luck"

Chapter1: INTRO

Ang tahimik ng paligid, pero ang daming tao, napaka busy nilang titigan, lahat sila may ginagawa parang lahat sila buhay na buhay na talagang alam nila ginagawa nila. Maya-maya may nararamdaman akong kumakalabit sakin di ko pinapansin, tae storbo eh, tapos biglang,, PAK!!
 <HOY!! Bat mo naman ako binatukan!?\\ako> 
<ABAH! Kanina pa kitang tinatawag ayaw mo ko pansinin! NAKATULALA ka nanaman!tayu na! Anjan na si prof\\Klemen>  bestfriend ko pala naghihimutok nanaman sa inis dahil nagmukang ewan sa tabi ko, ayun nap ala si prof.’humanities’ dumaan sa harap ko hihi
 <SORRY naman! Lumipad isip ko iyh\\ako> 
<lagi naman, nako ji ha, masama yan, babalik din sa reyalidad ha\\Klemen> 
<oo nah! Kala mo naman sinapian nako, nageemote lang naman. Hmfp\\ako> tae yan, nakakatamad grabe, pasukan nanaman, katatapos lang ng xmas break at nagstart nanaman ang lahat,ako nga pala si Gillian TRIH , ewan ko ba at nagging ganyan pangalan ko, ok lang namn ang GILLIAN kaso TRIH? Apilido? Kakaiba diba,, tapos ayun tawag sakin ni klemen ‘ji’ tipid nuh,, nagaannounce ngayun prof ko sa mga pumasa 
<adevoso, arado, Mendoza, rili, sta.ana.. blah blah blah,,\\prof> teka!parang di ko narinig pangalan ko, maya-maya nagsalita ulit sya 
< ay!, dapat pala yung bagsak nalang tinawag ko nagpagod pako,, TRIH! Bagsak ka ikaw lang\\prof> <huweeeeh!!> ako lang?? Anu yun joke! Be.an!! tapos nagtawanan mga kaklase ko,, sos! . UWIAN nah! Sa wakas! Kasabay ko nga pala si klemen, kapitbahay lang eh,, asa second yr college kami ngayun, actually matagal ko ng nakikita si klemen, bata palang pero di kami close , pero nung nagcollege ako nagulat ako nakita ko siya kasabay ko sa pila sa entrance exam last year,  nagkaprob pa nga ako sa application ko nun tapos siya yung tumulong sakin tapos nun, ayun nagging friends na kami, sabay na kami umuuwi dahil kapitbahay nga lang, tapos close narin sya sa family ko na dating mama lang niya chismosa ang nahahagilap ko,, haha sssh,, 
<bagsak ka nanaman? Anu bang problema mo, dati naman di ka ganyan ah\\klemen> nanermon nanaman si itay sos < di ko naman sadya, feeling ko mapapasa ko yun eh nasagutan ko naman, ako pa nga unang nagpasa diba nung test paper, tapos ayun\\ako> hmfp 
<feeling? Feelingera ka talaga, sinabi ng magaral ka mabuti dahil pag midterm naghihigpit si prof, effort naman ji!\\klemen> tae ! naiinis nako! <sorry naman ha ikaw na kasi matalino! Close pa sa mga prof, kilala sa skul, mr.campus teen, president ng orgs. Ikaw nah!\\ako> siyet! Anu ba to! ,, nagtitigan kami siguro mga ten seconds tapos tumalikod sya at iniwan ako,, hmfp! Sumobra nanaman ako? Kasi naman! Di ko maiwasan! Ang sipag niya! Eh ako naman tinatamad! Sabi ko nga sa Papa’t mama ko magstop muna ko dahil nawawalan akong interes sa pagaaral, nabobobo na nga tapos wala pa kong sabik para iangat yung sarili ko, hirap ha!,ayun output minura lang ako,, nakarating akong bahay, iniisip parin si klemen kung kakausapin ko ba, wala pa naman kaming pasok bukas ayon sa schedule :D keya no choice, punta ko sakanila tom ,, haysss.., pahinga, kain, tulog zZzZzZzZzZ...

Chapter2: sorry!

Nagising ako mga bandang 8am ,, pero usually tanghali na pag walang pasok, ganto lang siguro talaga kapag may kasalanan :P , kumain akong breakfast, tapos naligo, tapos nagbihis siyempers, tapos pupunta kila klemen,, sa kabilang street lang naman sila ayun oh sa kanto,, kita ko nga eh, ang laki kasi ng bahay, antaray nga eh ang bili gumanda nung ginawang business ng daddy nya na supermarket, tawag niya daddy eh, oh diba susyal haha.. ayun naglakad nako, tapos sa may di kalayuan nakita ko siya nag lalakad tapos ayun sinigawan ko na siya para tawagin <KLEMEN!!!!! KLEMEN! HUY !... K-kLemen?? \\ako> hala, tinalikuran niya ko,, tapos naglakad ng mabilis papasok ng bahay? Napatigil ako sandali..Grabe? Aysos ito tlagang Bestfriend ko napaka -sensitive!! Phew.., ayun pumunta nalang ko sakanila nag doorbell at ang sumalubong sakin ay yung yaya niya since birth si ate baby,, nagging close narin kami nun nung nagging close kami ni klemen <ate baby, si klemen po?\\ako> < andun sa taas, akala mo mauubusan na ng pagkain!, nako ji tingnan mo nga yun, kagabi pa yan eh, lumabas pa nga yan para bumili ng kung anu-anong pagkain\\ate baby> haha nako klemen :D< sige po ate baby, susuyuin ko, pasok nako wah\\ako> tumango nalang si ate baby . haha si klemen talaga, siya nga pala yung tipo ng taong pag may bumabagabag sakanya kain ng kain,, haha pero ang gwapo parin ang sipag kasi mag gym,, pero ayaw naman mag palaki ng katawan gusto niya yung tama lang daw,, mei 4packs abs lang, katamtamang laki ng muscles, tiyaka yung favorite ko, mei dimple sya  sa puwet haha yung sa taas ng puwet,, phew, ang gwapo niya talaga kung tutuusin, maputi pa at matalino, haha swerte ko, nayayakap ko nga minsan yan eh, kaso i-lang siya, ewan ko ba.., ayun at pinuntahan ko na yung kwarto niya, grabe! Daming candy wrappers sa floor, tapos mei pizza box pa inopen ko, ubos?  Grabe! Sya lang nakaubos nito? O.A,nakita ko siya nakaupo sa may gilid ng bed nya sa sahig,, tapos nagulat pa nga nung binuksan ko yung room niya eh <anung ginagawa mo dito?\\klemen> ang lamig naman niya sakin ayoko nito.. lumapit ako at niyakap siya na parang kuya ko lang,< sorry na bestfriend, wag kana magalit pleash\\ako> papakyut pa ko <eh kasi ikaw eh, masama na nga loob ko gagatungan mo pa,, tzk <tigas kasi ng ulo mo\\klemen> nagsalit anarin sya! Sa wakas! , hinigpitan lang niya yung yakap niya, ang init niya <may sakit ka ba?\\ako> tanong ko na nagaalala, tumingins siya sakin <ata?\\klemen> nyeeee talaga naman to <hay nako natulog kaba?\\ako> <oo kaso paidlip idlip lang eh, ikaw kasi\\klemen> < oo na sorry na, ayusin mo nga muna sarili mo, ayusin ko tong kwarto mo, parang di tao nakatira dito, napangiti lang siya tapos kumuhang tuwalya at pumasok ng banyo, yesh!! Ok na kami! Tpos inayos ko nalang kwarto niya..pagkalabas niyang banyo OMG , lumabas siya naka towel lang topless! Naptitig ako sakanya mula ulo hanggang paa, di ko masyado napansin O.A ko nap ala, nakita ko siyang tumatawa,,< haha laway mo ji\\klemen> napasimangot ako <grabe ka naman! Wag ka nga lalabas ng ganyan nanghihina ako eh! Tawa siya ng tawa, sanay na naman siya, lagging ganun reaksyon ko sa mga lalaking mei magandang katawan haha, yun kaya hanap ko :D umupo siya sa kama tapos nagsaksak ng blower,, b-blower?? Parang ngayun ko lang nakita yun ah nagaganto pala to <nagbblower ka pala after shower?\\ako>  parang napatigil siya < ahh oo hineram ko lang kay mommy, di naman kasi niya ginagamit\\klemen> <ahhh\\ako> sabi ko nalang haha oo nga sa mom nya red eh,, :D umupo siya sa kama,, tapos nagsalita <kala mo tapos na tayo magusap, magaral ka mabuti ji, para rin naman sayu yan,,\\klemen> ayt eto nanaman kami <opo,, alam mo naman sitwasyon ko diba, lalo nayung major subject namin, kung di nga lang ata dahil sayu mababagsak ko nayun second sem palang, pero ngaun feeling ko matutuluyan nayun\\ako> napangiti ako, siya seryoso parin <anu ba kasi lagi mong iniisip? Bakit ba sa mga nakaraang araw lagi kang tulala! Alam ko naman hanggang ngayun di mo parin alam kung anung gusto mo, pero effort naman ji\\klemen> napakalumbaba ako habang nakaupo sa computer chair nya at nakaharap sakanya,<anu nga bang problema ko?\\ako> tinanong ko rin sarili ko? Nyeeee <basta eto lang advise ha at isaksak mo naman sa isip mo,, simula ngayon di nakita pipigilan sa pagkakatulala mo, hindi naman ako nagkulang bilang kaibigan mo, lagi kitang pinapasaya pag malungkot ka, niyaya kitang mamasyal pag bored ka, at pinagpapasensyahan simula’t sapul na nakilala kita\\klemen> ayt  oo nga nuh,,nakakahiya,dami ko na palang utang dito, tinuloy pa niya sinasabi nya < sige go lang ji promise i won’t get tired of looking after you pero kung LILIPAD ANG ISIP MO DUN NA SA MAY KATUTURAN okay\\klemen> grabe umulit-ulit sa utak ko yun ah, oo nga naman kung lilipad ang isip ko dun na sa may sense diba? Hindi yung mananahimik ako kasi naiisip ko ang saya nag ibang tao, ang mga bagay na wala sakin at yung mga kinaiinggitan ko,, nakauwi nako at nakahiga sa kama, nakatingin sa ceiling ng kwarto,,anu batong ginagawa ko? Bakit parang tumigil ako sa pagkilos para sarili ko,, pati studies ko , although pumasok lang ako ng (information technology) dahil yun ang naabot ng grade ko nung highschool, pero kahit gusto kong tapusin yun parang wala kong future, oo makalikot akong tao pero sa ginagawa ko ngayun kahit saang sangay ng akademikong pagaaral eh wala akong mararating,, hays zZzZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

LOVE

Love

Love is not what you ask for

Not what you expect nor

Schedule when you wish for

But love is what you call protector

Even you betray your lover

Or want to banish forever

You’ll always find it clever

That in the end you’ll be together

It’s not that hard to show

You just have to follow

What’s in your heart and not to borrow

What others think for you to grow

The time shed tears in your face

Don’t escape just put in place

Your mind i the right case

And trust your lover as replace for a disgrace

-toain

BESTFRIEND

Best Friend

I have a special friend

A friend that i can trust

I can love, i can hug

I cry on when im sad

I know, he’ll never leave

Not far away from me

Holds me soft and firmly

Stays when i need somebody

Keeps my hidden secrets

Sad or happy moments

We’re the only best friends

Me and my own teddy :P

-toain 

GUILTY

Guilty

Life is simply great

Once you have it take it

But you know what it sucks

When someone rule you and f*ck

We have different life

But i don’t like mine

I want to be rich and perfect

But it doesn’t happen at all

Almost everyone don’t like me

Don’t worry, let them be

Coz’ i just care those somebody

And somebody like me

Im sorry if it hurts

Aask me, i felt it first

Every tear drops in my eye

More hearts i make cry

-taoin

STARs

Stars

There’s a light twinkle in the dark

Even it’s alone i can see every spark

This glowing thing is so precious

That i can’t help watching it serious

It’s own spectacle

Makes my mind in circle

And its aura rise so high

Even it’s in the middle of the crowd

In times i see its visibility

I feel i’m in its property

Butterflies fly around at first

Now my heart pumps like it wants to burst

Everybody wants to have its attention

But luckily i got his side vision

Not enough, for it hates my intention

But love is not impossible to be a reason

I wish life would be easy

The feeling i’m really missing

But what is life without it

If his the only spice i treat

-toain

PUBLICITY

Publicity

I’m alone in this crowded place

There’s nowhere to hide my face

I feel i’m on my chase

Of an invisible race

I know i’m conscious

That life is precious

And everything they praise

You have to embrace

Their happy, you must be

Their busy, you must be

If you don’t go with the flow

You don’t belong in the show

-toain

ME and YOU

Me and You

Me is a simple word

Me is a person itself

Me is created by the Lord

Not really sure but that’s what they said

I is the same with me

Where i’ll explain very clearly

I’m existed in this world

Very special not just sold

And in what i am now

The same process what they did to you

I know if there’s no you, there’s no you

And if you’re not here, i’m incomplete

So let’s not ruin the plan

Go with the flow of chance

Which you are made for no one

But me, me, and me

-toain 

Till the lights burn out

I once whispered

Will you be mine?

I opened the window

The moon gone shine

I felt the emotions

The urge to have you

I’m done prediction

I want to have you

Till the lights burn out

From my sky above

Till all the stars fall out

I’ll be in love; I’ll stay in love with you

I’m holding my thoughts

Leaning on the walls

But the more I think

The more I can’t do anything

I know already

But I’m just steady

All I have to do is say

But I’m not ready